short update

I've been stressing my self since.. ever since October 2009.. Never had a night i sleep in a peaceful mind. The wave of life goes really unstable. It's just like tsunami perhaps? Turbulence comes and goes, good times never seems to go long enough. I can't deny that I am living like a zombie everyday. Afraid of losing every important things or people in my life. Thus holding them really tight. Till the extend where I gave them pressure.

I am learning to trust, loosen my palm, and convince my self that there's no such word as forever. But i want them as long as possible. I tried not to take everything or person for granted. I tried appreciate everyone , and of course, I hope people will not take me for granted as well. As it really hurts sometimes.

Every night bad dreams come and go. I found my self sleeping in fear.

Good thing is, during this period of time, I think i realise many of my weaknesses. In short I am not a good person =) .

Many incident happened this week. News of earthquake, people's loved ones get sick, or leave them. I will not let my self drown any further. Is time for me to rescue my self from a cliff. I must survive. I've got many more people for me to take care off. I have my responsibility which I must not forget.

Even if I'm living in a zombie way, I will be a happy zombie. =) cheers world.

nitez.